His Girls

It’s intimidating being involved with a man who has 2 teenage daughters. It was really intimidating when we first started seeing each other. His oldest seemed to be happy for us but was very cautious, and the more time we spent together the less she seemed to like me. I don’t mean to say that she didn’t or doesn’t like me, to be quite honest I really can’t tell. Sometimes I think she hates me and sometimes I think she likes me, it’s really difficult to judge, 19 is such a moody age. The younger one had her doubts about me at first but I know (at least I hope) she likes me, we seem to get along very well, but sometimes I think she feels like I’m trying to take her daddy away from her. I’m not; I’d like him/us to spend more time with both the girls. But I don’t think they realize that, I feel like they think I’m the reason they don’t spend as much time with their father as they used to.

When we got engaged neither one of them was too pleased and then when he told them I was pregnant I felt like both of them wanted to kill me. I don’t think they can’t stand the idea of their father having another child and I understand that they don’t get to spend very much time with him and that they feel like this new baby is going to take up even more of that time. What I don’t think they realize is that for the most part they don’t spend very much time with their dad because they are busy. The oldest has been much better about making time to spend with him but she can be a little fickle, if she feels like she has to work while she at our house she doesn’t really want to stay for very long, but she is making an effort and it’s nice to have her around. The younger one is just so busy with school that she has no time to spend and lately when she has events that we can go to we have had previous engagements. I miss her and I know her father misses her terribly. It’s my hope that having this baby will make us all a little more family oriented, but I don’t know.

I thought that the girls would have an easier time with all of this if we had a boy, so I was even more excited when I found out that we are. But now I’m beginning to think that it doesn’t really matter if it’s a boy or a girl, they still don’t like it. We all have MySpace accounts and the older daughter wrote a bulletin laced with sarcasm, something like, “…oh, great, it’s a boy.” I can’t remember exactly, but it hurt me to read it. I want us to be a family, not that I’m trying to replace their mother, I could never do that, but I’d still like all of us to be a family or at least familyish. My biggest fear is that they are going to resent their baby brother so much that they will avoid making him a part of their lives and that they will spend even less time with their dad because of it. I’m terrified and I don’t know how to handle it. I keep trying to tell myself that once they see their brother in the flesh that they will love him, but what if they don’t? I’m so scared and I feel so terrible that they think I’d try to take their father away from them. I never knew my father so it is important to me that they are as much a part of our lives as they can be. I hope they know how much I care about them, how much I love them.